Find your soul mate from
Internet dating? There is not so long ago, the topic of meeting someone from internet dating was taboo. Helena is not about to forget the moment of silence that has floated during his marriage with Francis four years ago, when a friend who asked them how they met, Francis replied: "On the Internet. "Our friends were interlopers. Almost immediately, all were quick to say:''It's wonderful!'', But saw their discomfort, "says a laughing young woman, now mother of a small Jules 2 years and is waiting for a another baby.
Internet dating may concern, certainly for its sulfurous image, but there is forging meetings "serious" and reflected some shamelessly… Simply launch the conversation on this subject to find that many have a neighbor, friend, parent close or distant, even a son or a daughter, who lived through this experience. And the leaders Centres marriage preparation (CPM) say they see more and more, among those who prepare their marriage in church.
Now, indeed, the Web multiplies contacts in all their forms, distant friendships through e-mail, forums where we debate with passion, blogs where one finds oneself, "cats" where are exchanged on the fun. In addition to the friendly ties, couples form in all walks of life and all ages.
5% eventually be stable couples
"I'd recorded on a dating site, because I had enough to attract boys who wanted an adventure without following day, explains Helena. I was looking for a man seriously get married, have children. He was very lonely, timid. They hid behind our nicknames for four months, and we got on so well that eventually set appointment. "
The two correspondents had not exchanged photos but had described to one another. "I was the last time hidden in a cafe opposite the restaurant. I observed: he arrived half an hour in advance, very nervous, it sursautait all the time. He attendrie… When I finally enter the restaurant, I thought he was going to faint, so he Pali. It was love at first sight! "
"It is estimated that about 5% of people who meet on the Internet eventually form a stable couple, married or not," says Guillaume Sampic, director of France Parship, a subsidiary of the family group that publishes the German daily Die Zeit. Parship, which has 1.6 million subscribers in Europe, whose 200 000 in France, claims the figure of "34% of members who have met the soul mate on its site, which ranks as one of the largest market.
To join, fill a questionnaire of 80 questions designed to establish a psychological profile, which can find profiles compatible. "You decide what you send, for example, you do not necessarily want your photo to walk on the Web," says Sabrina Philippe, psychologist, who advises clients Parship who request it.
Whatever the chosen site, it remains important, before venturing on the Internet, thought to have the kind of meeting you want to do. "This amounts in most applications - frequent - meetings on the Internet is the need for safeguards," said Emmanuel Gatelier, webmaster of Catholic Family Associations (AFC). That is why the mouth is more reliable networks that advertising, given the profusion of sites that it is at first impossible to certify the seriousness, and whose regulation is minimal, especially more sites they are adults.
The risks of virtual meetings
In addition to the dangers of bad meetings, sometimes sad news, but finally comparable to the dangers in the "real" life, the Web is another risk. "A virtual meeting place has a weakness. It leaves room for fantasy. One can imagine other people, virtual, we imagine, "recalls Xavier Lacroix, professor of moral theology at the Faculty of Theology Lyon and a member of the National Council of the pastoral family.
"People are not necessarily ready to receive those they will find. Many women are looking for Prince Charming, but not a man, a true! "Says Sophie de Saint-Péreuse, Assistant General Delegate of CPM. "The disappointments are often linked to a request not realistic. If the expectation is hyperformatée, which left up there to another? Does she wondered. We are not in real life. "The approach is likely to create disappointments.
Accept surprise, otherness, the unexpected means not hide forever behind his virtual identity, to go to the other really. A not difficult to cross for many. "The meeting in the full sense implies a presence, a face-to-face, an incarnation. If the body is not there, it's missing something important, says Xavier Lacroix.
But the mediation of the computer is not contemptible because the world in which we live gives less and less opportunities for people to meet. "The theologian spoke in The Mirages of love (1) the rise of loneliness. In thirty years, the number of people living alone in France was multiplied by 2.5.
Rehabilitation of the floor opposite the worship of appearances
While it becomes increasingly difficult to speak to his neighbour, the places of belonging, neighborhood parish, are struggling to gather and solidarity proximity recede, the Internet often offers a second chance to people that life was injured, who no longer dare to go to the other, either because they lack the time for it (if they are raising children alone, for example) or because they no longer have the age to attend traditional meeting places.
It also reassures including women who can escape the aggressiveness of the "drag" in public places, and it gives the relationship time to build. Sometimes, visiting sites, some regain self-esteem, noting that they can still appeal. "It is thanks to your network that I have confidence in me, even if it is ultimately not thanks to you that I found someone," said a lady with Sabrina Philippe. "A suite of friendly exchanges, with men well, allowed him to return to the other," says the psychologist.
The dating sites also rehabilitate the word, words and writing, in the face of the tyranny of the image and the worship of appearances. "On the Internet, it can really be a meeting of souls before the physical meeting. The physics becomes secondary, which does not mean unimportant, "says Sabrina Philippe. People who eventually married tell us: "In the street, I would have never watched" or: "This was not at all my type!"
The contrast of being on the forthcoming? Thibaut, 29, who found his girlfriend, Emma, 27 years on the Internet, can testify. "It was exchanged for one month on Meetic. Our tastes in agreement on everything. We dared not go to the first phone call, the voice, there was fear of ruining everything. It was eventually do so, then a week later, it was the restaurant. She hid me that she had a prosthesis. I discovered there, and it was absolutely unimportant.
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